Changing Perspective {Or...at least trying}

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Okay...I fully admit that I am an over-thinker.
{And I've been called out on this so many times...which I don't mind because, believe me...I know!}

I am constantly asking the "what if" questions and allowing my brain to work up crazy scenarios that probably don't even, or would never even exist.
But even more than that...I am constantly asking the "why" questions. Even if they don't have answers that I can come up with on my own.

If you're new to my blog, I've said from day one writing in this blog {and on my "ABOUT ME" page, CLICK HERE!} that I believe in being real and genuine. I believe in transparency.

So, I'm going to be transparent for a little bit here...

I'm a girl with a lot of damage and a lot of past hurts.

I have a massively long list of self-esteem and self-image issues.

I don't ever let people know about these things...because I'm so sure they'll leave me if they know.

I've told myself that my insecurities had lessened over the past couple of years, and that I had overcome so many of them...when actually they had gotten a lot worse. Whether I want to admit it or not, I am still convinced that I'm not worthy of being loved. 

But that's not how God sees me...
And that's supposed to be the most important thing. And if I ever want to see myself as valuable, beautiful, and worthy of love, I need to truly believe and accept how God views me, first.

It is very clear, all throughout the Bible, how loved we are by the Lord.
One of my favorite verses talks about how "He rejoices over us with singing." {Zeph. 3:17} He has made me "fearfully and wonderfully." {Psalm 139:14} He calls us "beloved" and means it! 

And there's so much more!

So why has that never been enough for me? Why can't I accept that and view myself that way?
Ah, there's the lovely "why" question...

And this is only two out of many questions that I've been asking myself over the last few days..........actually for weeks and months..........but mostly just the last few days. 

I've been dealing with some huge mental blocks for a very long time.
I've written about them before...and it's easy for me to say I'm going to make changes and set goals for myself and just learn how to fix them.
I've written plenty of posts about overcoming obstacles and reaffirming my negative thoughts with positive, Godly ones. But they never last.
And I've even said that only God can truly fix my struggles and heal what has hurt me in my past. And I've said that I want to let Him do that.
But I haven't. And I can't. I just can't.

So, I'm asking for loads and loads of prayers from all of you! I want to be able to accept God's perfect love for me and see myself the way He sees me. I don't know why I can't...but I can't. My head has been SO FULL of lies for so long, I guess I just can't imagine what it would be like to think ANY other way.

Thank you for your prayers, my friends.

1 comment :

  1. I can definitely relate to this. Prayers to you!

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