The Gift of Time

Friday, March 27, 2015

I still consider myself to be kind of a "newbie" blogger.
I used to blog consistently a year and a half ago...and it was still called "Chirpings of a Little Sparrow" {the name holds a very special place in my heart so I decided to keep it}...but I'm pretty sure I was going about it all wrong. I didn't know much about blogging. And eventually I just didn't have the time to devote to it.

Ah, yes...time...

After I worked on redesigning my layout, and finishing my PAGES {which you can click on along the top to find out more about me and this blog}, I went 'round and 'round trying to decide what my first entry should be about.  I absolutely love writing, and my brain is full of "stuff" to write about...but for whatever reason, nothing seemed "good enough" for my first entry. I knew what was on my mind tonight, and what I WANTED to write...but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to share it right now.

I finally realized that the main thing I believe in when writing is TRANSPARENCY.
I talk about that in my section titled "Emily Anne Is..." You can find that along the top.

So this is me getting over myself...and here I go...

I'm kind of living in "limbo" right now. 
I had a full time job that I loved...and I suddenly didn't have it anymore. For a week now, I've been wondering what is next. I've felt a real lack of purpose. I'm just so happy that I still have my dance students...they make me smile, and they give me something to look forward to.
I'm not bitter about what happened and how it happened...but I'm not going to write a cliche post of "feigned optimism", talking about how everything is going to be okay...or how much I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life...or how I'm prepared to take on this challenge.
Because I'm not good...I'm not. This is not easy. I have been hating the downtime. It's not good for me. 

But all of this extra time is actually a gift, whether it feels like it or not. 
It's an opportunity. There are so many things I've been wanting to do, but I didn't have time.
Now I do.

Time to get my blog started {which is obviously good!}
Time to apply for scholarships as I get ready to go back to school.
More studio time.
Time to plan the dance ministry I've been wanting to start.
Time with my boyfriend.
Time with my friends.

And of course, with downtime, there's a lot that goes through the God's voice comes through a little easier...
He says, "You have a lot of time on your hands. Let ME have some of it."

So that's exactly what I'm going to do.
As much as I say I trust that He will provide {which I do}, I still have been forgetting to ask for His direction and guidance in this situation. The fear and the sadness just kinda took over.
I'm going to use this time to grow stronger in my relationship with Him. In the midst of all this change, He is CONSTANT! 

This still isn't going to be easy...and I still feel like I am grieving. But the God I know can turn a mess into a masterpiece. And He will...

"While I'm waiting, I will serve you.
While I'm waiting, I will worship.
While I'm waiting, I will not faint...
I'll be running the race,
even while I wait."
~John Waller

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good" ~ Genesis 50:20

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