Starry-Eyed!

This weekend was GREAT!

And especially after this past week, which was hard, I needed a weekend like this.

first things first...i found THIS...

I discovered this when I was reading through one of my new favorite blogs...Jessica's blog, Forever Convinced, which I am so happy I discovered! {Jessica is amazing, and I really hope I can get to know her better soon!} 

My favorite part of this devotion is the part that says, "...it is so wrong to measure your energy level against the challenges ahead of you." 
Which is EXACTLY what I always do. Depression makes things very hard...and so does eating disorder recovery. I still don't have a very good relationship with food, and ever since my struggles with anorexia were at their worst, I've had constant health issues. {low blood sugar, and electrolytes, etc.} Between that and the depression, my energy level can drop all the way to ZERO and I have no way of knowing when that's coming. It makes my life very unpredictable, and makes it very difficult to plan on getting anything accomplished, because if my energy is too low, my plans will fall by the wayside. Usually, it takes twice as much energy for me to do HALF of what a normal person can do in a day.  As a result, I get very down on myself for not being able to do what I hoped I could, and THAT fuels the depression...

Yeah...

Can anyone say VICIOUS CYCLE?

Did that description make your head spin in circles? Because it certainly does mine.

But see...here's the thing...it doesn't have to be this way. "When I gave you my spirit, I empowered you to live beyond your natural ability and strength." My heart and body is so weak, MOST of the time. And I have always assumed that I was just always going to be like this...that I have this illness, and I'm going to have to learn to be okay with how it affects me. Which is still true...but I actually FORGOT that I don't have to fight by myself. That my strength alone isn't going to help me get through my worst days and the days I feel purposeless, which I still have...but God's strength can! 

Of course I already knew all of these things.

I just allow depression to be all-consuming and I get so caught in the darkness that I forget. I'm sure some of you can relate.

I want to be able to say that I CAN get out of bed, I CAN go run my errands, I CAN clean my house, I CAN put forth my best efforts at work. I CAN do the things I plan for my day, without completely wearing myself out. And I can, because God can.

Will I be able to hang onto this all the time? Probably not. It's going to take time, and it's going to be a learned habit just like everything else. It takes practice. But it's a discipline that I want to acquire, and it'll take daily surrender.

now...on to the rest of the weekend...

I was able to attend the ballet "Sleeping Beauty" with some of my dance students and their moms. It was an absolute BLAST! It's my favorite ballet, and it was such a inspiration for both me && my students! They are all very hard workers, but I think this opportunity motivated them to work even harder. Several of them even said that they want to audition for The Nutcracker this year! I was NOT expecting that! It made me a very proud teacher :))

I was so happy afterward, I couldn't stop smiling! There's nothing I love more than going to the ballet! I am planning on participating in a talent competition...part of a summer festival in my town this year...with a dance solo, just for the fun of it and to get back onstage. The ballet was just the right push of motivation I needed to really get me working hard to be in the best shape possible to perform. I'm excited!

And even after all of that, John-David and I drove out to my hometown to see my parents and some of my relatives for a Memorial Day Weekend cookout. It was actually a lot of fun! Great food and great conversation...and NO DRAMA. Which is kind of a rare occurrence ;))

But the fun didn't stop there!
On Sunday, our church service was absolutely wonderful and insightful, and it was followed by a day of beautiful weather, spent outside with John-David's family, playing Corn Hole on the lawn. We are all pretty bad at it, but we had such a great time and it just went on and on.

And that is why I'm linking up again today with Emily over at her blog Ember Grey.
Yes, I have a VERY Grateful Heart!